Boys, Boys, Boys

 What a whirlwind the past two weeks have been!  I think my head may finally have stopped spinning long enough to update the blog :)

We have been so blessed the past two weeks.  I can't even begin to count how many wonderful things we have experienced since the babies came.   Our new ward has been amazing.  We have had babysitters for the older boys and meals brought in so that we still have something to eat while we are trying to get everything done.  My mom has practically run herself ragged trying to take care of all of us.  My sister came out to help me unpack boxes....and now she can't get home because of the hurricane.  Guess she has to stay a little longer :) We have received flowers, food, books, and more prayers than I thought possible.

The babies have really made amazing progress.  I can't believe how tough these tiny little guys are!  They just keep getting hit right and left with new complications and they seem to triumph over and over.  I don't have any doubt in my mind that Heavenly Father is very watchful over them.  They are such miracles.

Both Charlie and Tripp were on SiPAP machines ( a bit different from a CPAP machine, but sort of the same idea) which allowed them to breathe a little on their own and it gave a little assistance.  Both have graduated to a nasal cannula which just has a continuous flow of oxygen.  They are doing all of the breathing on their own!!  Such a huge thing for them :)  Both babies struggled with episodes of apnea.  Charlie more so than Tripp.  They found that both babies have a valve open in their hearts allowing too much blood to go to the lungs causing bouts of apnea.  This is called a PDA.  Both boys were given a medication to help close the valve.  Charlie's closed during his first round of meds and they can't hear a murmur at all anymore.  Tripp has had 2 rounds of meds and his murmur is still there.  However, he is doing so well breathing on his own that they are going to let it go to see if it finishes closing on its own.

They have also started the babies on breastmilk!  They have both tolerated their feedings really well.  Since their digestive systems are so immature, they have to start off with such a small amount of food to see if they can actually digest.  So far, so good!  Plus, most importantly, it is helping to put some weight back on them!  They lost weight for a little while, but they are both now back to their birth weights!  Yay babies!

We have also been able to hold them a few times!  With preemies, it is hard for them to regulate their temp.  The hospital keeps their beds quite warm and humid to keep their temps normal.  So, when we hold them, they can get cold really fast.  We have to take the hypothermia approach with them and pretty much just get naked.  Ha!  It is called Kangaroo care and evidently works miracles.  Both babies love it and their temperatures stay really stable.  Plus, it allows us to bond a little which is so hard when I only get to see them once a day.

The nurses have a joke about white baby boys.  Apparently they are the wimpiest when it comes to preemies.  They always give the nurses the hardest times, so whenever they have a set back, the nurses say, "He's just a wimpy white boy.  Give him time".  Ha!

This is Charlie in his milk coma.  The orange tube in his mouth is his feeding tube.  They shoot the milk straight into their tummies.  He loves it!

 Here is Tripp!  Isn't he so cute?!  We tried not to get too much of me in the picture since I'm nakie :)

Tripp loves being held.  He is our calm baby.  He is so relaxed and sweet.  He kept trying to lick me so I guess his instincts are trying to kick in :)

Mouth open searching for a hand-out. He is also the pig of the two.  He is on 15 cc's of milk every 3 hours.  Charlie is only on 10.  

Jay trying to give you an idea of their size.  Check out Tripp's binky.  It is so huge, but he loves it.  It is actually preemie sized and still almost as big as his head.

 Charlie holding momma.  I have less pictures of Charlie since he wasn't as stable as Tripp for a while.  He mostly just stayed in his isolette.  However, since his PDA closed, he is much more stable and we get quite a bit more time with him :)

Charlie relaxed after I held him.  He is our busy one.  He always gets out of his little nest that the nurses make and he screws up his oxygen.  He is a mover and a wiggler :)

 Last night I held Charlie for almost an hour.  It was pure bliss.  Our babies couldn't be much sweeter.

Tripp under his phototherapy lights.  They go on and off of them as their bilirubin levels climb and drop.  Binky and sunglasses...so darling :)

Charlie in his too big hat.  

Tripp all snuggled in for the night.

 Jay doesn't want to do kangaroo care.  He says he needs a tan, a shaved chest and a cowboy hat before he is getting undressed in front of the nurses :)  Ha!  Vanity.

Jack and Luke are hanging in there.  We are trying to keep things as normal as possible.  It is pretty difficult to have your children in 2 different places and get enough time with all of them.   They have been patient and sweet through this.  Jack is sad that he can't see the babies.  Luke has absolutely no idea what is going on.

Jack really wanted to be a ghost for Halloween.  Probably the easiest costume on Earth.  Bless him for being so obliging this year :)  Luke was a Robin Hood repeat.  He looked just as cute as Jack did in it 2 years ago :)

People bringing meals have kept us stocked up on cake.  How did they know it is our favorite!?

 Jack and Luke scooping guts out of pumpkins :)  Jack was grossed out.  Luke was in messy kid heaven.

 Good thing he is so cute because he is trouble!

 Jack has been our rock.  Every night we head to the NICU and he says, "Tell Tripp that I love him and tell Charlie that Luke loves him".  He has already assigned babies to each brother.  Pretty cute :)

Please continue to keep the babies in your prayers.  They have a few other issues to work out before they are out of the woods.  It is also pretty common for preemies to take 2 steps forward and 1 step back.  The nurses told us to get our rollercoaster shoes on :) 

And pray that the hurricane doesn't take our power out and destroy the freezer full of milk that I have worked hours on.  Haha!

Tripp and Charlie

This post will be a little different from my normal posts.  I am really lacking in humor and spunk this week, but I need to document our events and keep family up to date.  Bear with me until I can get back to normal Lindsay :) 

Our babies were born Monday night, October 15th, at 28 weeks and 1 day.   12 weeks early.  Pretty much every mothers worst fear.  I don't usually write my birth stories on my blog because quite frankly I don't feel like my cervix is anyone's business.  But, this time is a little different. 

The boys and I flew into Maryland two weeks ago to finally be reunited with Jay and start setting up our new house!  We were so excited to be here and so happy to feel a little more settled.  I didn't get much unpacking done because I have been having a lot of contractions, which is pretty normal for me during pregnancy.  But, this last weekend, I really started to feel run down and tired.  I was having a few more contractions than usual, so I did a lot of resting.  I finally got an appointment set up with an OB here (long story, but it is hard to get an appointment here!) and set it for Wednesday the 17th.  Unfortunately I never made it.  Monday night, Jay took the boys out grocery shopping so I could relax a little.  They came home, we had dinner together and then suddenly I didn't feel well at all.  My contractions were a little uncomfortable so I went to take a bath and slow them down.  It usually works like a charm.  Little did I know that I was way too far advanced in labor for that.  I realized after about 2 minutes that we needed to get to the hospital right away.  Unfortunately we didn't know anyone at all here in MD.  Jay grabbed the kids out of bed, put them in the car and rushed me to the hospital.  We called the Relief Society president of our new ward on the way there so she could watch our kids.  By the time we got to the hospital (7 minutes)  I was trying not to push.  Jay rushed me into L&D where they rushed me into a room only to find I was fully dilated and both babies were feet down.  The hospital laborist rushed me into the OR.  I got my spinal tap and Jay walked in with scrubs on after they had already cut and started to take the babies.  He almost missed it!  Jack and Luke were in the waiting room having apple juice and graham crackers with the nurses so Jay could be with me.  Bless them for doing that. 

Tripp Matthew (Baby A) came out first at 8:45.  He weighed 2 lbs. 9 oz.  I actually don't know either of their lengths, but I think I heard 14 inches.  Charlie Jay (Baby B) came out second at 8:46.  He weighed 2 lbs. 6 oz.  They had two pediatric teams waiting to start caring for the babies.  The hospital that was closest to the house can't keep babies under 32 weeks, so they had to stabilize them enough to be transferred.  While I was being stitched up, I heard both of their sweet little cries.  I can't explain the panic I felt and the helplessness.  They rolled me out of the room before I could even glimpse them.   After what seemed like forever, the babies were finally stable enough to be transferred to another hospital with an absolutely amazing NICU.  They were both intubated and on ventilators.  They had them wrapped up with tubes and wires everywhere.  Each baby had a transport team of 3 people.  They rolled them past my room where I quickly got to meet them.  I had about a minute with each baby.  I couldn't hold them, or touch them, or even really sit up at that point, but the Lord always sends tender mercies.  I said hi to each baby and both of them right on cue, opened their eyes and looked at me.   If I couldn't hold them, then making eye contact was an absolute miracle to me.  They knew I was there and I felt them say, "We are fighting mom, we are strong". 

A sweet friend from Virginia came all the way up to stay with Jack and Luke so that Jay could go up to the hospital with the babies and be close to them.  That was one lonely, awful night in the hospital.  My nurses were so sweet.  They comforted me.  They told me I was strong.  They told me that Heavenly Father was taking care of my babies.  We had many angels attending us that night and I know that Heavenly Father never leaves us completely alone to do it by ourselves. 

My mom flew in the next morning to take over Jack and Luke.  Jay had to go back to work on Wednesday.  We are so grateful she could come on such short notice.  Jay has been so strong.  He has been waking up early to go to work.  Then he comes home and has dinner with the boys and helps put them to bed.  Then he would come to the hospital to see me and collect my pumped milk to take up to the babies.  Then he drives the 45 minutes to the NICU and spends a few hours with the babies.  He is amazing and wonderful and I could never do this without him.

I got out of the hospital yesterday and was able to finally see the babies.  Their nurses have been so wonderful.  I call a few times each day and they give me detailed updates on each baby.  They each have their own nurse that basically just sits and makes sure they are ok.  It is so comforting to me when I can't be there.  

It is hard to be happy and not just scared.  It is hard to be emotionally available for Jack and Luke when I just want to hide in my closet and cry.  Seeing the fat baby in the recovery room next to mine was like the worst torture ever.  I'm pretty sure I glared at the mother, which is not really like me to do.  I hope she didn't take it personally.  Hopefully, with a little time and physical recovery I can start to see the happy sides of this and not be such a head case :)

Now for pictures, because the babies really are so precious.  They look like little skeletons, but they are still our sweet little Tripp and Charlie.  I know this will be an excruciatingly long process, but I do have faith in the Lord's plan and I can feel his love for each of our babies. 

This is Tripp on the first night.  Here he is on a ventilator.  Both babies made huge progress breathing on their own and were moved onto SiPap machines built especially for preemies.  Tripp is now breathing room air (21% O2) via SiPap and has been holding steady with that!   Both babies are on doses of caffeine to stimulate them to breathe.  They don't really have the breathing reflex yet, so sometimes they forget that they are supposed to be breathing :)  The caffeine helps them to be a little more alert.

Tripp again on night one.  

Charlie on night one.  Look at that skinny baby!  His right leg is really bruised from being trapped in the birth canal.  Sorry bud! But, it should heal just fine :)  

Charlie again on the ventilator.   He is also now on a SiPap breathing about 30% O2.  He has some issues with his breathing, but as long as his blood gas level stays normal, they will not have to put him back on the ventilator. 

Both babies are also under phototherapy lights for jaundice.  Their bilirubin levels are climbing so they are getting preventative lights :)  This is Charlie making a fuss because he really hates the eye covers.  He also likes his legs to stick straight out.  He doesn't like to be wrapped up tightly.  I guess he was the one that always had his feet under my ribs :) 

Here is Tripp snuggled up like a little bug.  They are just so precious.

Charlie's legs once again.  He has Jay's feet :)

I got to hold Charlie's hand yesterday.  He grabbed onto my finger and held on so tightly!  Can you believe how small he is!?  I guess he calmed down so much holding my hand that he forgot to breathe.  It took quite a little effort for the nurse to get his stats back in the right direction.  Stinker.  I about had a heart attack.

Tripp under his sweet lights.  The lights turn the boys blue and you can see their little veins everywhere.  Kind of freaked me out at first.  

There is a lot for us to learn and a lot to get used to.  I'm not sure how to be a mother to these little guys.  This is totally foreign to me.  So, for now I pump, and pump and pump.  They may start Charlie tomorrow on milk!  Right now they just have IV nutrition until they can handle more.  It will mean huge things for all of us when they can start having milk. 

Thank you for all of your prayers.  Thank you for fasting.  Thank you for the kind words.  We are so blessed and so happy to have such wonderful support.  Mostly we are blessed to know that these sweet little ones are ours and that we are sealed to them forever.  We are so excited for what the future holds for them :)  They are so brave and so strong.  We are lucky to be their parents.