Motherhood: A Secret Society

I wrote this post a few years ago on a blog that I used to write for.  I thought I would recycle it for Mother's Day weekend.  Happy Mother's Day to all of the lovely women out there who have super glue stuck to their fingers, peanut butter in their hair, who haven't had a decent nights sleep in five years, and who love their babes with every fiber in their body. You are fabulous and you are doing a great job!

I have always wanted to be a mom. When I was five, my mom wrote in my journal that I wanted 24 kids and 24 sheep so that I could make all of their clothing. I was a very ambitious child. I always made my Barbies have babies. I loved to pretend my dolls were my real babies. I loved to babysit. I couldn't pick a career choice for the life of me because all I really wanted was to be a mother. Well, all of my dreams came true and I am a mom. I LOVE it. However, there are a few things that I don't think other mothers tell you before you become a mother. But, since I like to be open and honest....I will tell you the things that no one else tells you.

1. Having a baby hurts. This isn't news. But no one tells you that it hurts like nothing else you could imagine. It is so painful that you push the thought of it back into the deepest recesses of your memory and forget all about it. And then you are stupid enough to do it again.

2. Babies are always leaking something. Drool, snot, pee, poop. Always. And you will get to the point where none of it grosses you out anymore. Then one day you will wipe your kid's nose with your own shirt and realize how disgusting you have become.

3. Setting your clocks back does not mean you get an extra hour of sleep anymore. It just means that your kids wake up an hour earlier.

4. You will drive all the way back to church for the hand sanitizer that has become your child's most cherished possession when he forgot it in the nursery. Or you will turn around, race back to the grocery store to find the stuffed animal that was left behind in the shopping cart. Then you will swear that the next time they forget it, you are just going to leave it there....but you can't bring yourself to ever do it because their tears melt you to pieces.

5. You will most likely sink to your child's level at some point. This may include sticking your tongue out at them, rolling your eyes, slamming your bedroom door, pouting, mimicking, or all of the above.

6. You will clean up barf. Probably more times than you thought possible.

7. No matter what you do to prevent it, your child will get a hold of a permanent marker, make-up, pen or something else that might be used for wall/body art. The damage is child-specific.

8. And one day, your child will tell you they love you, all on their own, without any prompts and you will turn to mush.

Maybe no one tells you these things because it would scare you off. Maybe it is because motherhood is amazing. Boogers, barf, tantrums and all.

Meet Evel and Knievel

Our babies have no fear.  I think they wanted to be born so early for the adrenaline rush. I thought that being fragile and newborn and in the NICU for 2 months would be the scariest thing they would do.  Apparently I wasn't prepared for their toddler years.  And I have a sneaking suspicion that this is just the tip of the iceberg for their teenage years.

Heaven help us all.

Poop on Repeat

I thought that we had our lives pretty much under control and that we had a good routine going.  I was getting cocky and smug about how good I was at juggling 4 little boys. I should have known better.  Every time I get cocky, the crap hits the fan. And in this case...that might have been better.

Jay has early meetings on Sundays.  Church starts at 9:30, so that means I am on my own to get myself and the kids ready. Most Sundays it goes off without a hitch. I have really fabulous, cooperative kids. However, a few weeks ago, everything went wrong.

The babies decided to smear their breakfast from head to toe.  I had 30 minutes before we needed to be out the door, which meant I had plenty of time to give them a bath, and get everyone dressed. I asked Jack and Luke to get themselves dressed while I bathed the babies. I had lain their clothes out the night before, all clean and folded and ready to go. Yay me! I put the babies in the bath to play while I went into their room to get their clothes.  That's when the bomb dropped.  And by bomb, I mean poop. I walked into the bathroom and the babies were splashing around in a totally brown bathtub.  In my almost 6 years as a mother, no one has ever pooped in the tub.  I freaked. I grabbed Charlie and ran him from the kids' bathroom, to my bathroom.  I started to fill the clean tub.  I ran back and grabbed Tripp, hoping that too much poo water wasn't dripping on my carpet as I held him out as far as I could reach. I got them rinsed off and a new tub filled.  While they played, I went to clean out the bathtub.  I scooped, I scrubbed, I disinfected.  I walked back into my bathroom to clean the babies, and again, the water was totally brown. I couldn't believe it!  How could they fill a tub twice with that much poop!?!  

Jack walked in and asked for help to tie his tie, saw the poop and started gagging. I told him to go wait in his room and I would help him in a minute.

Again, I took one baby at a time and ran them dripping and stinky to the clean bathtub. (Thank goodness for two bathtubs, right?!) I got them rinsed off and playing in clean water again.  I went to drain the other tub and get it cleaned up, when I realized the cleaner was still in the kids' bathroom.  I walked back in to grab the cleaner, and once again, the water was completely brown.  They were sitting in so much crap, splashing and playing. 

What the heck?! Was it Groundhog's Day? How did this keep happening? I thought I was dreaming.  No way could this happen three times.  And how on earth did they have that much poop in them?! Had they not pooped since Christmas? Then I realized they had little buckets in with them, and they were drinking the poop water!!! Oh. My. Crap.

I couldn't take them to the other bathtub, because it wasn't clean yet! I couldn't leave them there because they are absolutely, horrifyingly, disgusting children who drink their own poo! What could I do?!

I took the buckets away, ran to the other bathroom to scoop poop out of the bathtub, ran them to the semi-clean tub, and started to rinse them off.

At that point, we only had about 3 minutes before we needed to leave. I yelled to Jack and Luke to check their status of readiness when Luke ran into the bathroom yelling, "Look at me!  I'm ready for church and I'm awesome!!"  I looked up and he was wearing a basketball jersey, basketball shorts, and reptile puppets on his hands and feet. Poor kid.  He didn't know he was walking into the lions den.  I  tried to be calm.  I really did.  But after that much poop, and running, I was a little heated.

I didn't even bother to fill the tub.  I rinsed the babies and scrubbed them clean.  I got them diapered and dressed as fast as I could. (Although, at that point, it didn't matter.  They had pooped enough to last until April.  I'm sure there wasn't anything left.)

I got Luke dressed in proper church attire.  I raced into my own room to change out of my poop-splashed clothing and we were finally ready to go.  Jay walked in from his meeting just in time to help us out to the car.  He asked what happened and I couldn't even talk. All I wanted to do was hand him the older kids, put the babies down for a nap, and crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head for a week. But, I didn't.  I had Sharing Time in Primary and had to be there. 

I calmed down on our drive and by the time we were sitting in Sacrament meeting, I was feeling like I did it!  That's when I realized that I left everything for my lesson at home, next to the front door. I raced home, ran across our icy sidewalk in a dress with shoes in hand, grabbed my bag and headed back to church.

I'm pretty sure my neighbors wonder if I'm all there.  Crazy woman running barefoot through the snow.

Whatever. Sometimes you have it, sometimes you don't.  That day was a don't.

Winter Wonderland

Maryland has pleasantly surprised us this year with quite a bit of snow! I love how Colorado-y it makes it feel here. Plus, even a dusting of snow cancels school for Jack and work for Jay, so we have had plenty of sledding/hot chocolate/snowman/movie days.

However, December and January also brought sick days.  Everyone got sick. Even Jay who could lick a doctor's office chair and not get sick, had a day or two of under the weather.

We spent Christmas Eve at the doctor.  Tripp, Charlie, and Luke had RSV and ear infections.  All three were on antibiotics.  Tripp had two rounds of antibiotics because he ended up with a lung infection.  Poor kids lived on the nebulizer and Tylenol.

However, we still found time to celebrate Christmas!  I almost thought Santa was going to skip our house because Luke was up until midnight coughing and wheezing, while I spent time on the phone with the on-call nurse.  Jay and I stayed up quite late after that trying to get presents wrapped and stockings stuffed.  I mean...we stayed up late helping Santa do all of those things ;)

This picture makes me go into fits of laughter.  This is Luke's new picture face.  I am dying!!!  And Jack pretty much always looks frightened in pictures.  Ha! 

 I decided during a lull in the sicknesses, that I would make 12 meals to put in the freezer for days when everyone would be sick again and I wouldn't have time to make food.  It was a great idea, but it really kicked my butt.  My arms were so tired from chopping! I am out of shape!

On top of the sick, we have had quite an accident prone month.  Charlie fell and knocked one of his front teeth in, cracked it, and chipped it.  Luke tried to measure Tripp's head with calipers and sliced up his cheek. Luke threw a toy and it hit Tripp's eyeball giving it a nice cut. Charlie pulled a fork off the table, put it in his mouth and fell, and the fork stabbed under his tongue. And Jack and Luke were jumping on an air mattress when Luke fell and Jack stepped on his neck...giving him a pretty sweet burn/scrape.

I'm keeping my house really clean so when CPS shows up, we are ready.  Haha!

Sad game for the Broncos, but we still wore our blue and orange!

Jack's outfit for school.  I love that he wants to pick out his own clothes.  He wore shorts over his pants for days.  I suppose it's better than when I was in Kindergarten and wore a swimsuit over my clothes. 

 We got about a foot of snow last week.  The piles it made were so fun!  I think Jay had more fun than the kids. He spent hours outside with them making sled runs, and jumps. 

 Here is our first school project! Jack did lots of research on tigers.  He did a great job on his diorama! I need to work on letting him do more of it next time.  Haha!  It is really hard for me to relax enough to let a 5 year old do the work.  I'm hoping by the time the twins start school, I won't be such a control freak.