Tripp and Charlie

This post will be a little different from my normal posts.  I am really lacking in humor and spunk this week, but I need to document our events and keep family up to date.  Bear with me until I can get back to normal Lindsay :) 

Our babies were born Monday night, October 15th, at 28 weeks and 1 day.   12 weeks early.  Pretty much every mothers worst fear.  I don't usually write my birth stories on my blog because quite frankly I don't feel like my cervix is anyone's business.  But, this time is a little different. 

The boys and I flew into Maryland two weeks ago to finally be reunited with Jay and start setting up our new house!  We were so excited to be here and so happy to feel a little more settled.  I didn't get much unpacking done because I have been having a lot of contractions, which is pretty normal for me during pregnancy.  But, this last weekend, I really started to feel run down and tired.  I was having a few more contractions than usual, so I did a lot of resting.  I finally got an appointment set up with an OB here (long story, but it is hard to get an appointment here!) and set it for Wednesday the 17th.  Unfortunately I never made it.  Monday night, Jay took the boys out grocery shopping so I could relax a little.  They came home, we had dinner together and then suddenly I didn't feel well at all.  My contractions were a little uncomfortable so I went to take a bath and slow them down.  It usually works like a charm.  Little did I know that I was way too far advanced in labor for that.  I realized after about 2 minutes that we needed to get to the hospital right away.  Unfortunately we didn't know anyone at all here in MD.  Jay grabbed the kids out of bed, put them in the car and rushed me to the hospital.  We called the Relief Society president of our new ward on the way there so she could watch our kids.  By the time we got to the hospital (7 minutes)  I was trying not to push.  Jay rushed me into L&D where they rushed me into a room only to find I was fully dilated and both babies were feet down.  The hospital laborist rushed me into the OR.  I got my spinal tap and Jay walked in with scrubs on after they had already cut and started to take the babies.  He almost missed it!  Jack and Luke were in the waiting room having apple juice and graham crackers with the nurses so Jay could be with me.  Bless them for doing that. 

Tripp Matthew (Baby A) came out first at 8:45.  He weighed 2 lbs. 9 oz.  I actually don't know either of their lengths, but I think I heard 14 inches.  Charlie Jay (Baby B) came out second at 8:46.  He weighed 2 lbs. 6 oz.  They had two pediatric teams waiting to start caring for the babies.  The hospital that was closest to the house can't keep babies under 32 weeks, so they had to stabilize them enough to be transferred.  While I was being stitched up, I heard both of their sweet little cries.  I can't explain the panic I felt and the helplessness.  They rolled me out of the room before I could even glimpse them.   After what seemed like forever, the babies were finally stable enough to be transferred to another hospital with an absolutely amazing NICU.  They were both intubated and on ventilators.  They had them wrapped up with tubes and wires everywhere.  Each baby had a transport team of 3 people.  They rolled them past my room where I quickly got to meet them.  I had about a minute with each baby.  I couldn't hold them, or touch them, or even really sit up at that point, but the Lord always sends tender mercies.  I said hi to each baby and both of them right on cue, opened their eyes and looked at me.   If I couldn't hold them, then making eye contact was an absolute miracle to me.  They knew I was there and I felt them say, "We are fighting mom, we are strong". 

A sweet friend from Virginia came all the way up to stay with Jack and Luke so that Jay could go up to the hospital with the babies and be close to them.  That was one lonely, awful night in the hospital.  My nurses were so sweet.  They comforted me.  They told me I was strong.  They told me that Heavenly Father was taking care of my babies.  We had many angels attending us that night and I know that Heavenly Father never leaves us completely alone to do it by ourselves. 

My mom flew in the next morning to take over Jack and Luke.  Jay had to go back to work on Wednesday.  We are so grateful she could come on such short notice.  Jay has been so strong.  He has been waking up early to go to work.  Then he comes home and has dinner with the boys and helps put them to bed.  Then he would come to the hospital to see me and collect my pumped milk to take up to the babies.  Then he drives the 45 minutes to the NICU and spends a few hours with the babies.  He is amazing and wonderful and I could never do this without him.

I got out of the hospital yesterday and was able to finally see the babies.  Their nurses have been so wonderful.  I call a few times each day and they give me detailed updates on each baby.  They each have their own nurse that basically just sits and makes sure they are ok.  It is so comforting to me when I can't be there.  

It is hard to be happy and not just scared.  It is hard to be emotionally available for Jack and Luke when I just want to hide in my closet and cry.  Seeing the fat baby in the recovery room next to mine was like the worst torture ever.  I'm pretty sure I glared at the mother, which is not really like me to do.  I hope she didn't take it personally.  Hopefully, with a little time and physical recovery I can start to see the happy sides of this and not be such a head case :)

Now for pictures, because the babies really are so precious.  They look like little skeletons, but they are still our sweet little Tripp and Charlie.  I know this will be an excruciatingly long process, but I do have faith in the Lord's plan and I can feel his love for each of our babies. 

This is Tripp on the first night.  Here he is on a ventilator.  Both babies made huge progress breathing on their own and were moved onto SiPap machines built especially for preemies.  Tripp is now breathing room air (21% O2) via SiPap and has been holding steady with that!   Both babies are on doses of caffeine to stimulate them to breathe.  They don't really have the breathing reflex yet, so sometimes they forget that they are supposed to be breathing :)  The caffeine helps them to be a little more alert.

Tripp again on night one.  

Charlie on night one.  Look at that skinny baby!  His right leg is really bruised from being trapped in the birth canal.  Sorry bud! But, it should heal just fine :)  

Charlie again on the ventilator.   He is also now on a SiPap breathing about 30% O2.  He has some issues with his breathing, but as long as his blood gas level stays normal, they will not have to put him back on the ventilator. 

Both babies are also under phototherapy lights for jaundice.  Their bilirubin levels are climbing so they are getting preventative lights :)  This is Charlie making a fuss because he really hates the eye covers.  He also likes his legs to stick straight out.  He doesn't like to be wrapped up tightly.  I guess he was the one that always had his feet under my ribs :) 

Here is Tripp snuggled up like a little bug.  They are just so precious.

Charlie's legs once again.  He has Jay's feet :)

I got to hold Charlie's hand yesterday.  He grabbed onto my finger and held on so tightly!  Can you believe how small he is!?  I guess he calmed down so much holding my hand that he forgot to breathe.  It took quite a little effort for the nurse to get his stats back in the right direction.  Stinker.  I about had a heart attack.

Tripp under his sweet lights.  The lights turn the boys blue and you can see their little veins everywhere.  Kind of freaked me out at first.  

There is a lot for us to learn and a lot to get used to.  I'm not sure how to be a mother to these little guys.  This is totally foreign to me.  So, for now I pump, and pump and pump.  They may start Charlie tomorrow on milk!  Right now they just have IV nutrition until they can handle more.  It will mean huge things for all of us when they can start having milk. 

Thank you for all of your prayers.  Thank you for fasting.  Thank you for the kind words.  We are so blessed and so happy to have such wonderful support.  Mostly we are blessed to know that these sweet little ones are ours and that we are sealed to them forever.  We are so excited for what the future holds for them :)  They are so brave and so strong.  We are lucky to be their parents.