Tripp and Charlie

This post will be a little different from my normal posts.  I am really lacking in humor and spunk this week, but I need to document our events and keep family up to date.  Bear with me until I can get back to normal Lindsay :) 

Our babies were born Monday night, October 15th, at 28 weeks and 1 day.   12 weeks early.  Pretty much every mothers worst fear.  I don't usually write my birth stories on my blog because quite frankly I don't feel like my cervix is anyone's business.  But, this time is a little different. 

The boys and I flew into Maryland two weeks ago to finally be reunited with Jay and start setting up our new house!  We were so excited to be here and so happy to feel a little more settled.  I didn't get much unpacking done because I have been having a lot of contractions, which is pretty normal for me during pregnancy.  But, this last weekend, I really started to feel run down and tired.  I was having a few more contractions than usual, so I did a lot of resting.  I finally got an appointment set up with an OB here (long story, but it is hard to get an appointment here!) and set it for Wednesday the 17th.  Unfortunately I never made it.  Monday night, Jay took the boys out grocery shopping so I could relax a little.  They came home, we had dinner together and then suddenly I didn't feel well at all.  My contractions were a little uncomfortable so I went to take a bath and slow them down.  It usually works like a charm.  Little did I know that I was way too far advanced in labor for that.  I realized after about 2 minutes that we needed to get to the hospital right away.  Unfortunately we didn't know anyone at all here in MD.  Jay grabbed the kids out of bed, put them in the car and rushed me to the hospital.  We called the Relief Society president of our new ward on the way there so she could watch our kids.  By the time we got to the hospital (7 minutes)  I was trying not to push.  Jay rushed me into L&D where they rushed me into a room only to find I was fully dilated and both babies were feet down.  The hospital laborist rushed me into the OR.  I got my spinal tap and Jay walked in with scrubs on after they had already cut and started to take the babies.  He almost missed it!  Jack and Luke were in the waiting room having apple juice and graham crackers with the nurses so Jay could be with me.  Bless them for doing that. 

Tripp Matthew (Baby A) came out first at 8:45.  He weighed 2 lbs. 9 oz.  I actually don't know either of their lengths, but I think I heard 14 inches.  Charlie Jay (Baby B) came out second at 8:46.  He weighed 2 lbs. 6 oz.  They had two pediatric teams waiting to start caring for the babies.  The hospital that was closest to the house can't keep babies under 32 weeks, so they had to stabilize them enough to be transferred.  While I was being stitched up, I heard both of their sweet little cries.  I can't explain the panic I felt and the helplessness.  They rolled me out of the room before I could even glimpse them.   After what seemed like forever, the babies were finally stable enough to be transferred to another hospital with an absolutely amazing NICU.  They were both intubated and on ventilators.  They had them wrapped up with tubes and wires everywhere.  Each baby had a transport team of 3 people.  They rolled them past my room where I quickly got to meet them.  I had about a minute with each baby.  I couldn't hold them, or touch them, or even really sit up at that point, but the Lord always sends tender mercies.  I said hi to each baby and both of them right on cue, opened their eyes and looked at me.   If I couldn't hold them, then making eye contact was an absolute miracle to me.  They knew I was there and I felt them say, "We are fighting mom, we are strong". 

A sweet friend from Virginia came all the way up to stay with Jack and Luke so that Jay could go up to the hospital with the babies and be close to them.  That was one lonely, awful night in the hospital.  My nurses were so sweet.  They comforted me.  They told me I was strong.  They told me that Heavenly Father was taking care of my babies.  We had many angels attending us that night and I know that Heavenly Father never leaves us completely alone to do it by ourselves. 

My mom flew in the next morning to take over Jack and Luke.  Jay had to go back to work on Wednesday.  We are so grateful she could come on such short notice.  Jay has been so strong.  He has been waking up early to go to work.  Then he comes home and has dinner with the boys and helps put them to bed.  Then he would come to the hospital to see me and collect my pumped milk to take up to the babies.  Then he drives the 45 minutes to the NICU and spends a few hours with the babies.  He is amazing and wonderful and I could never do this without him.

I got out of the hospital yesterday and was able to finally see the babies.  Their nurses have been so wonderful.  I call a few times each day and they give me detailed updates on each baby.  They each have their own nurse that basically just sits and makes sure they are ok.  It is so comforting to me when I can't be there.  

It is hard to be happy and not just scared.  It is hard to be emotionally available for Jack and Luke when I just want to hide in my closet and cry.  Seeing the fat baby in the recovery room next to mine was like the worst torture ever.  I'm pretty sure I glared at the mother, which is not really like me to do.  I hope she didn't take it personally.  Hopefully, with a little time and physical recovery I can start to see the happy sides of this and not be such a head case :)

Now for pictures, because the babies really are so precious.  They look like little skeletons, but they are still our sweet little Tripp and Charlie.  I know this will be an excruciatingly long process, but I do have faith in the Lord's plan and I can feel his love for each of our babies. 

This is Tripp on the first night.  Here he is on a ventilator.  Both babies made huge progress breathing on their own and were moved onto SiPap machines built especially for preemies.  Tripp is now breathing room air (21% O2) via SiPap and has been holding steady with that!   Both babies are on doses of caffeine to stimulate them to breathe.  They don't really have the breathing reflex yet, so sometimes they forget that they are supposed to be breathing :)  The caffeine helps them to be a little more alert.

Tripp again on night one.  

Charlie on night one.  Look at that skinny baby!  His right leg is really bruised from being trapped in the birth canal.  Sorry bud! But, it should heal just fine :)  

Charlie again on the ventilator.   He is also now on a SiPap breathing about 30% O2.  He has some issues with his breathing, but as long as his blood gas level stays normal, they will not have to put him back on the ventilator. 

Both babies are also under phototherapy lights for jaundice.  Their bilirubin levels are climbing so they are getting preventative lights :)  This is Charlie making a fuss because he really hates the eye covers.  He also likes his legs to stick straight out.  He doesn't like to be wrapped up tightly.  I guess he was the one that always had his feet under my ribs :) 

Here is Tripp snuggled up like a little bug.  They are just so precious.

Charlie's legs once again.  He has Jay's feet :)

I got to hold Charlie's hand yesterday.  He grabbed onto my finger and held on so tightly!  Can you believe how small he is!?  I guess he calmed down so much holding my hand that he forgot to breathe.  It took quite a little effort for the nurse to get his stats back in the right direction.  Stinker.  I about had a heart attack.

Tripp under his sweet lights.  The lights turn the boys blue and you can see their little veins everywhere.  Kind of freaked me out at first.  

There is a lot for us to learn and a lot to get used to.  I'm not sure how to be a mother to these little guys.  This is totally foreign to me.  So, for now I pump, and pump and pump.  They may start Charlie tomorrow on milk!  Right now they just have IV nutrition until they can handle more.  It will mean huge things for all of us when they can start having milk. 

Thank you for all of your prayers.  Thank you for fasting.  Thank you for the kind words.  We are so blessed and so happy to have such wonderful support.  Mostly we are blessed to know that these sweet little ones are ours and that we are sealed to them forever.  We are so excited for what the future holds for them :)  They are so brave and so strong.  We are lucky to be their parents. 

Moving!

We are moving back east!  Maryland, to be precise.  Jay has been waiting patiently for his dream job and he finally got it!  We are excited for him to be working in his field!  Jay leaves a week from today.  As soon as we secure a place to live, the boys and I will follow.  It has been a whirlwind around here the past two weeks trying to get things ready to go.  I am excited for a new adventure.  And really nervous to get there and get settled and find a good doctor.   Anyone know anyone reliable in Maryland that can come watch my boys at a moments notice if I go into labor? 

Speaking of labor, hopefully it is still a long way off.  The babies are doing great!  I had another ultrasound last week to track their growth and the little one has caught up a bit!  They did have a 16% difference in weight and this week it was only 9%!!!  Good news for us!  The doctors don't like it to get beyond a 25% difference.  So, it looks like everyone is doing a good job and they have stabilized in their growth.   They both have their heads up under my ribs, and it feels like 4 legs doing the river dance on my bladder.  So bazaar to be pregnant with two!

My mother in law tried to teach me how to sew.  I have been wanting to learn, so we spent the day making car seat covers for the babies.  If you look closely, you can definitely tell which one I did.  Haha!

Won't they be so cute with matching babies inside?!  I can't wait!

Jack started preschool this week.  I figured since we already paid for September, might as well use it :)  I took his picture outside and then went back in to put my camera away.  When I came out, he was halfway down the street.  I asked him where he was going and he said he was walking to school.  I told him to come back so I could drive him since his school is far.  He said, "Ok mom, you can drive me today, but I have to go to school alone.  You have to let me go."  Haha!  I love his independence. 

He loves school and is going to be heartbroken when we have to move.

My friend Emily did our family pictures last week.  I wanted to get them done while it is still just the 4 of us.  They turned out darling, but next time we do family pictures, I would like to be skinny.

She did an amazing job, and the boys really loved her :)

Most likely you won't hear from us until Maryland, so wish us a smooth move!

5:1

5:1......The new ratio of our family.  I am seriously outnumbered.  There is no coming back from this.  I could try to be like my mom and even it out with 4 girls, but I really don't feel that ambitious right now.  I think 4 little boys is enough to overwhelm me for life :) 

We saw the Dr. this morning and got to stare at the ultrasound screen for 45 minutes.  It was heaven to watch our sweet little boys move around and kick each other in the faces.  They are already so nice to each other :)  They are both really busy babies.  The Dr. had a hard time getting them to hold still long enough to measure everything that he needed to.   They are both healthy, which is wonderful news!  Everything looked good!  Baby A is at the bottom.  And baby B is on the top.  Baby B is measuring about a week smaller than Baby A,  so the Dr. will be monitoring him closely to make sure that the size discrepancy doesn't get bigger between the two of them.  They share a placenta, so one can hog all of the blood and nutrients.  Please keep them in your prayers that they will share nicely :)

Here I am at 20 weeks!  People have started asking me how much longer I have left.  That is never a good sign.  Haha!   Sadly, I don't have any pictures from the ultrasound.  But, they gave me a DVD, so I can watch them whenever I want!  You will just have to imagine what they look like.  Probably just imagine Jack or Luke.  I will have 4 blonde-haired, blue-eyed clones running around in a few months :)

BFF's

 This is where I spent the weekend a few weeks ago.  Are you jealous?  I was able to go visit my best friend, Mandi, in California....all by myself.  It was such a fun weekend!  We went to the beach and the pool and ate and ate and ate.  Pretty much heaven for a pregnant lady :)  I figured this might be my last chance for a girls weekend in a very long time.  Soon I will be too big to fit down the airplane aisles.

Mandi took me to a beach in Malibu.  The weather was perfect and we saw a ton of dolphins!!  I wish my photography skills had been better :)  All you get is a fin.

Mandi took me to a really fun Japanese grill.  I think I may have eaten another baby.  At least that is what it felt like. 

The next weekend, Jay got a fun trip!  Our friend Roy that we knew in Virginia was finally able to bring his family over about 18 months ago from Africa after 6 years of separation.  He spent years and years saving money to be able to get them all here.  It is such a sweet story of love.  Visit this site to see pictures and the story of their reunion.  Make sure you have some Kleenex. 

We were so excited when Roy called to tell Jay that he was getting sealed in the temple to his wife and 5 kids.  Jay flew down to Phoenix to be with them that day.

Aren't they just the most darling family?

Then, Jack got to see his long lost best friends!  Our friends Keith and Jeanene from Virginia were visiting family in Utah and were so wonderful to come visit us!  We were all thrilled to see them and miss them all the time.  They were our parents and the boys' grandparents in Virginia :) In Jack's prayers that night he made sure to thank Heavenly Father over and over that they came to see him :)

Lastly in BFF news,  Jack LOVES to do hair.  He will spend at least 20 minutes in front of the mirror doing his hair.  On Sunday, he wanted to make sure that Luke's hair looked nice for church.  Luke was so patient and let Jack do his hair for at least 3 minutes :)  They are such great friends.

17 weeks - Twinners

Here is my lovely baby bump at 17 weeks.  Good thing it is twins, otherwise I would really be freaking out about the size I am already.  We had a 16 week ultrasound to see the babes.  They are growing well and growing evenly, which is a concern since they share a placenta.  We tried to find out the flavor, but they had their butts strategically in each others faces, so it is still a mystery.  At least we know they will be polite! Ha :)

So far, so good!  Please keep the babies in your prayers!  They still have a very, very long way to go. 

Summertime

The boys and I got to go to Colorado for almost the whole month of June!  It was wonderful!  The boys had a great time and I got to relax and be sick while my mom took care of all of us.  Even with Zofran, I could barely eat, so it was nice not to have to cook and chase kids while I worshiped the toilet :)

The boys loved being out in the country.  Jack caught bugs and Luke tried to eat them.  They both got so dirty every day I wasn't sure how they would ever come clean. But, I loved that they could go outside and I didn't have to worry about them getting kidnapped or run over :)  I love the paranoia's that motherhood brings!

I actually wasn't sure that Luke was going to make it home with us at the end of the month.  The kid about died at least 4 times.  Apparently clumsy in the country is dangerous!   Luckily, he made it, but he did have a fairly hefty bump on his forehead in this picture. 

We got to go up the Keystone to my parents condo for a night on our way back to Utah.  We had fun feeding the fish and swimming with all of the cousins.

Gosh, we make cute kids.

When we got back to Utah, we had lots of fun catching up with daddy.  We missed him a ton while we were gone, but we are glad he stayed behind to work to fund our trip :)

Jay and I took Jack to the Lehi rodeo.  We had no idea how big the rodeo is in Lehi.  People take it very seriously!!  We barely got tickets.  But, we all loved it.  Jack wants to grow up to be a barrel racer.  If he can't compete with the girls, he will be ok with being a rodeo clown.  Ha!

Lehi also has a huge parade.  We took the boys thinking it would be a fun outing.  Little did we know how seriously Lehi takes the parade!  It was 2 1/2 hours long and the floats were amazing!  However, after about an hour in 98 degrees, we were all done....but our car was boxed in so we couldn't leave.  We saw at least 6 marching bands and about a million floats.  I think we are all paraded out for a while.

This was where I spent the parade.  At least the car offered some shade.  I wish it also offered a bathroom.   

The wards in the area each do a float.  Can you believe how elaborate they are?

 

Here are the babies in my bump at 12 weeks. This is the view I get to see.  I am now 14.5 weeks so imagine how big that belly is now! :) 

We spent the 4th at Jay's sisters.  We had a great time being with family and doing fireworks!

What a hunk!  This is how I keep getting myself pregnant. 

Jack and his cousins.  He loves that he is big enough to keep up with them.  Look at all those blondies!  They are his heroes :)

Seeing Double

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We are expecting TWINS!!!  I have never been more scared in my life.  I have never felt so under-qualified.  But, we love them and we are so excited to have them join our crazy little family! Jack has already named them Batman and Spiderman.  We might just stick with that :) 

The Dr. thinks they are identical so it is likely that we will have two girls or two boys.  Jack has told us that he will only like them if they are lady babies.  He doesn't need any more brothers.   Glad we have his full support :) 

Keep us in your prayers!  We will need all of them that we can get!