I know some of you may think that I am always calm, cool, and collected. Actually, I don't think anyone has ever thought that. But, it's what I wish people thought about me, so I really, really try. I had a horrific parenting moment a few weeks ago. Now that some time has passed, and I have mostly forgiven myself, I feel like I should share the story for all of you out there like me, that are not always as put together as you try to appear :)
I had to take the babies in to the pediatrician for their RSV shots. Since it was a quick appointment, I didn't try to find a babysitter for Jack and Luke. As we arrived at the doctor, I felt like I was herding cats trying to get everyone in the door. As usual, someone wonderful noticed and held the door for our incoming circus. I have to give Jack and Luke credit. They really try hard to behave and be helpful. Luke held onto one of the car seats that I was carrying, and Jack held onto the other. They mostly sat quietly in the exam room while the nurse administered the shots. (Lots of bribery and candy were shamelessly used.) However, this appointment turned into 30 minutes of waiting in a tiny room with four kids. By the time we were done, Luke shot out of there like he had a fire in his pants. He ran to the waiting room to start playing with all the toys. I had to put the babies down by the front door so I could go get him. I put him down, picked the babies up, and he raced back to the toys. This happened three times.
Finally, I got all of us outside where we had to cross the parking lot to get to the car. Luke started racing down the sidewalk yelling, "Can't catch me, mom! Too fast!" I put the babies down on the sidewalk and chased him down. I carried him back and told him that he needed to hold onto Tripp's car seat while we crossed the street. I put him down, picked up the babies and he ran back down the sidewalk, shrieking with glee. Jack, my angelic child, stayed by the babies' car seats while I grabbed Luke....two more times.
I was beginning to panic. I started to picture Luke racing into the parking lot and getting steamrolled by a minivan. I didn't want to leave the babies on the sidewalk while I ran Luke and Jack to the car, and I certainly didn't want to leave Jack and Luke on the sidewalk while I took the babies to the car. I wasn't sure what to do. I needed another arm. Plus, we were still standing right outside the pediatricians office in plain sight of everyone inside. This meant no spanking or yelling (which is about where my frayed nerves and state of mind were).
In a moment of desperation, I leaned down so that it looked like I was going to whisper something to him.....
And I bit him.
On the ear.
I Mike Tyson'd my own child.
It's like I went from Soccer Mom to Vampire in .4 seconds.
No one watching could have known what I did. That is until Luke started crying saying, "Ouch! Mom, bit ear. Ow, mom. Bite. Naughty!" (Ironically, we had just borrowed a book from the library a few days earlier called, "Little Dinos Don't Bite".)
I started to shush him in hopes no one could understand his 2 year old garble. I grumpily told him to grab onto the car seat, which he promptly did, and we walked briskly and safely to the car. I strapped him in. I strapped Jack in. I put the babies in the car. I put my purse in. And then a huge wave of guilt came over me. I crawled into the back seat with Luke. I put my hands on his cheeks and I kissed his ear. I apologized for biting him and told him I felt very sorry for being so naughty. He looked into my eyes and said, "Ok, mom. Lukey sorry, too."
The whole way home he sniffed and said, "I love you, too, mom." It broke my heart. I couldn't believe what I had done.
Luckily, he has forgiven me and moved on. However, I apologize in advance for when he bites one of your children in nursery.
He learned it from me.
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7 comments:
I had what (in my mind) was an even greater parental failing with Staeli a couple of months ago while trying to put her to bed. I won't share in detail here, but I ended up sitting in my closet crying afterward because I was so racked with guilt and because I couldn't stop imagining how she must have been picturing her Daddy in that split second when I completely lost my cool. It was gut wrenching. The good thing is, since that experience I've been much better equipped to respond from a place of love, even when we're both at our worst, because I know without QUESTION that no matter what happens, I never what that feeling in the pit of my stomach ever again. In your case, I'd say it was damn creative solution to an unsolvable problem! Maybe it's time to start carrying an emergency leash in your purse? :)
Um... not sure why that says unknown instead of Vance. Hi. ^That was Vance. :)
Oh, Linz, I don't know how you do it. Any of us would have reached a breaking point. When our kids were misbehaving in public, we would grab the upper arm and pinch. It looked like we were just guiding our kid, but the pinch was a "Hey we mean business." Bless you...I think of you and your brood of 4 often.
Maybe I'm a bad mom, but I read that and thought, "That's not so bad!" You do what you have to do, especially to keep your kids safe. The fact that you were brave enough to take all 4 of them somewhere is incredible to me, I wish we lived closer so I could help in those moments. And for the record, you have always seemed like a calm, cool, collected person to me. Remember when you were pregnant with twins, still managed to cook for and feed your family, AND let them have a friend over to play?! Superwoman I tell ya!
Hahahahaha! I absolutely love this- thanks for keeping it real. You do what you've got to do and I've definitely been guilty of reaching my breaking point!
I miss reading your blog, I always laugh at something!!! You are such a good Mom, I loose my cool and I only have two, my third one is not even here yet. I have to admit, I have never done the Mike Tyson thing, but I have definently done things I felt really sorry for after. Love you guys and miss you!!!
ba ha ha ha ha ha!!! this is Hilarious!!! That's me on a good day, so don't worry about it! Plus I hear that children don't developement the part of their brain that allows them to hold a grudge until later, so I say you're good at least until he's 4 or 5. I love reading your blogs. It totally makes me feel normal.
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